How to Cure Indecision
Indecision can ruin your life.
Are you frustrated by indecision?
Do you consider yourself a person who is very good at “manifesting” things in your life and have the ability to see things from different perspectives and with different belief systems?
If so, let me explain how you can get totally stuck in an “indecision loop” that will drive you mad.
What usually happens is you get yourself into a situation where you start to feel a bit unsure about which direction is the best one to take in your life at that point in time. Typically you face a dillema where neither direction seems perfect. So you start looking at the “good side” and the “bad side” of each decision. You compare and you compare, but you just can’t decide.
So this is what starts to happen next. You start looking for the benefits of Option 1. You see some minor benefits but then you start looking at the disadvantages of Option 1 as well. You compare the benefits and the disadvantages and you’re still unsure. So you look at Option 2 the same way.
Once you’re done comparing Option 2 with Option 1 both in terms of benefits and disadvantages, one option will typically seem better than the other. Let’s say Option 2 seems better, but only slightly. Even though it’s only a slightly better option you say to yourself “I think I’ll just take Option 2. We’ll see tomorrow.”
Now, because you’re a brilliant person at manifesting things, you wake up the next morning and while brushing your teeth you start to really think about thigns and all of a sudden you start seeing a lot more benefits in Option 1 than you did before. You just want to be 100% sure so you start looking at Option 1 again, and all of a sudden the benefits of Option 1 start to look so much better. However, you already feel like you’ve decided on Option 2 so you get dressed and head to work.
When you get to work, you turn on your computer and you receive an email. The email gives you some information that totally changes how you view Option 2. You also receive a phone-call from your spouse which somewhat relates to Option 2 and now that option is looking way worse. You think about it, go through your list of benefits and disadvantages again and you say to yourself “I think I’ll have to go with Option 1. But I’m just not sure yet…we’ll see.”
On your way home from work, you’re convinced Option 1 is the way to go. So you call your spouse and tell them that you’re going to go with Option 1. You get off the phone and just in case, you want to be really sure so you decide to look at all the benefits of Option 2 again one more time. All of a sudden you get a phone-call from one of your friends who tells you something that TOTALLY makes Option 2 a way better option. What were you thinking!? How could you even think about Option 1?!
Fast forward three weeks later and you’re still undecided, and every day you’re sending out “signals” to the universe as to which Option you like better and it’s attracting resources, news, and pieces of information to you to support your decision. However, because you’re undecided it’s sending you mixed signals in greater and greater quantity.
Both options seems great and both options seem useless, just depends which minute of the day you’re talking about. You flip back and forth, back and forth and drive yourself mad.
Ever been in this situation?
The FLAW in our approach to such a situation is that we are looking for EXTERNAL evidence to help us make a good decision. No such evidence will ever arrive because we create our own evidence. You want to convince yourself that Option 1 is the better option, you will! You want to convince yourself that Option 2 is the better option, you will too! It all just depends on what you choose to focus on and what you choose to dismiss and filter out. It also all depends on what you decide to manifest and attract.
So how do we get out of this endless loop? Stop looking for answers to your undecisiveness on the outside.
Look for answers within.
This phrase bears repeating again. Look for answers within. Listen to your intuition and choose what you WANT. Pick the direction that is more aligned with your values, your true self, with love and what you truly want out of your life. Then focus on it all from the point of view of “How could I make Option 1 work?” and “What’s great about Option 1?” and “Can I get around the disadvantages of Option 1 somehow?”
You’ll see that once you decide based no your internal compass and you start focusing all of your energy on the path you WANT to decide on, the external world will all of a sudden support your decision by providing you with the evidence you need to completely convince you externally (internally you already decided) that the decision is the right one to make.
At first this may seem like a flawed system because someone might ask “What if you pick the wrong path and convince yourself that it’s the right one?” However, this presumes that there is such a thing as “the wrong path” and “the right path”. For example, you may be trying to decide whether you should start a car blog or a cooking blog. What if you pick the wrong one? What if the cooking Blog is the one that will become successful, but you decide to listen to your gut and pick the car Blog instead?
It doesn’t matter, because maybe the lessons you learn by running the car Blog first will eventually lead you to discover something much more important that you wouldn’t have discovered by succeeding with your first Blog. Maybe you’re “supposed” to fail with your first Blog, and then when you start your second Cooking Blog you end up being super successful.
Here’s my advice. If you’re undecided, dream a little and pretend that one of the paths turns out super perfect. Which one seems better? Which one excites you more? Which one are you more passionate about? Does your gut tell you that it’s ok to go in that direction? Pick the more passionate, exciting, fun, intuitive one and say to yourself “I’m going to see if there is any possible way I could make this direction work. Let’s just try it and see.” Get off the fence and decide! Then stand back and watch as the universe showers you with “proof” that your decision is the right one.
Or not. If you prefer the experience of feeling frustrated, just keep waffling between the two options and watch as the universe sends you an onslaught of mixed signals that drive you into madness. 
Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.
- 7/31/2008 - Choose Joy — or Choose No Choice! Curing Indecision...
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Paul Piotrowski is a highly ambitious and passionate self-improvement fanatic who has spent over 13 years relentlessly pursuing and studying personal development wisdom in almost every area of life. His highly intuitive drive to seek wisdom and truth in life has led him through very diverse areas of experience ranging from entrepreneurship and business, natural [...]
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at least i am not guilty with this.. what i do have to learn though is to trust my intuition more.. awesome post paul!
Spot on. The universe will sort out the how and the when. You are responsible for showing it the what and the why. Get clear on that and those things will begin to flow into your life. But give the universe mixed signals and it will have no choice but to send you mixed results.
@Christine: Not just mixed results, it will send you mixed “proof” of the path(s) you should take and that will drive you nuts. Ultimately all of our decisions are biased from the inside, and then “proof” is projected/manifested from the outside to support those biased decisions. So the only choice we really have is whether we align with our Ego on the inside or our True Self on the inside prior to making the internal decision, because after that the outside world will just reflect what’s on the inside and we will automatically think our (biased) choice is the right one because of all the “proof” at the table.
By the way, I believe this realization about decisions is one of the most profound lessons I’ve learned this year, next to “Self Discipline”. I think I would probably even rate it higher than “Self Discipline” because decision preceeds.
Paul–agreed…it is kind of insidious how that works, isn’t it? Talk about making you nuts.
It is a powerful lesson. And even before decision, in my opinion, desire needs to precede that. And your desire must be laser focused.
Hi Paul,
Great post. It is certainly a problem. And I like your approach to resolving it.
A different (but related) problem perhaps is being equally attracted to the two options. This requires some way of transcending the problem or integrating the desires I think.
Paul this made me laugh – the inner dialogue could have come straight from my head! Decisions have caused me terrible anxiety in the past but I have learned to cope a lot better with them. One of the best things I read recently talked of making decisions from a place of love rather than from fear. I used to make decisions based on ‘worst case scenario’, at all times trying to avoid it. Consequently my decisions were tainted from the start and nothing could ‘feel right’. Now I do my best to ‘go with love’, listen to my heart and allow myself to dream the positive result. It still takes me a while to come to the decision but when I do, it sticks
Hi Leah,
I’d never thought of looking at it that way before. It sounds like a great process. I’ll give it a go. Thanks.
I usually leave lengthy comments on great posts like this, but I think I can sum up my opinions and feelings into a short paragraph. Tim Ferris put is best in the 4 hour workweek “It is much easier to ask for forgiveness later, rather than ask for permission now”
Something along those lines…
That statement has helped me deal with and eliminate the true obstacles I faced personally when it came to making decisions and sticking with them. It will never be easy to commit yourself to any thought as nothing is guaranteed, but Leah said it well – if you go with “love” rather than “fear” things will work out one way or another.
“I wonder if it’s okay that I do this?” or “Should I call so-and-so before I put this through?”
We are all better off doing what we feel is right, now, and If someone has a problem that can’t be resolved, apologize later. This method has cured my indecision in a few months! I love it.
Still the longest comment, crap! I was really trying to keep it short… I swear.
Lol @ Elijah!
@ Evan – you’re welcome
@ Elijah *laughs* I like your long comment and the quote you included. I might go and get myself a copy of The 4 Hour Work Week, I’ve seen it recommended so many times.
@Elijah: Personally I wasn’t a big fan of the 4 Hour Workweek Book, but I do like that quote. It is totally true. The other thing that makes that quote great is that once you become a decision make you will quickly realize that no matter which decision you make, someone is always going to be unhappy with it. It really doesn’t matter what you decide, someone always will complain. So trying to make sure everyone is happy before making a decision is insanity.
Anyone who’s ever ran a business or even planned a wedding will know what I mean.
I like Tim Ferris’ ideology and “go get it” type of attitude, I found that book easy to relate to because I am close in age in to him. The chapter on mobility really hit home with me as that is the single most appealing aspect to working from home – the ability to work anywhere.
@Elijah: Yup, the book was good, but there were parts where I felt he was oversimplifying certain things. For example, I wanted to see just how “cheap” you could get programmers in India to do your development work so I actually called India and spoke to a few firms that do that kind of stuff. I was actually surprised to find out that I can hire programmers locally here in Vancouver, BC at the same rates!
For me, his book just seemed to oversimplify the whole concept of “delegating” and “outsourcing” to people in other countries. As a former business owner of a multi-million dollar company I know it’s hard enough to delegate to people sitting in the room next door to you. I am sure it’s possible to delegate to someone on the other side of the planet with careful planning, but I don’t think he explained it in enough detail.
When I read his book, it made me think that I could delegate all of my work to some dude in India for 10 cents per hour while I go sit on the beach. That’s just not true.
I dunno…maybe I need to re-read it again.
@Elijah: The part I really liked in the book is the whole concept of forgetting about the “Retire at 65″ BS. I like how he advocates “Multiple-Retirements” where you work – retire – work – retire – work – retire etc.
It just makes sense. Hmm…. which makes me think…. maybe I need to mini-retire!
Maybe next month.
Hey Paul
I can really relate to this post. So many would be successful people (myself included!) continuously postpone success because we’re afraid to make choices. I had an old boss years ago that taught me…”The wrong decision is better than no decision at all!” I have found that there comes a time when we simply need to trust our experience, judgment, and gut and just go for it.
I read this blog post exactly when I needed to, thank you.
This post is spot-on! I’ve been dealing with this issue for at least the last 6 years. Not every aspect of my life is like that, but many of them, some trivial and some important.
Fortunately I have yet to regret one of my decisions. I have most difficulty with the first part of, prior to making that final decision. I think I’ll trust this “gut” instinct more often, it usually feeds me well.
Thanks!
Excellent post Paul… I happened to stumble on your blog from Amit’s blog. I’ll be sure to read up on your other posts. Btw, great post about the ZFM – Zero Friction Marketing course. I might just pick it up.
Onwards and Upwards,
Anthony